i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
