I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
