For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
