she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
