I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
