Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
