I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
