some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
