he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
