You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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