Soap is not a condiment
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
