I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just invented taco cereal.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
