Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
