im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
