you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
