there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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