i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
