guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
