If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
