I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
