3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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