He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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