Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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