u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
