I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't deserve a penis
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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