just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
