I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
