My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
