Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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