Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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