She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
