You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
