we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
