We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
