It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
