The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
