two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
