He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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