He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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