I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
