Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
