god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
