At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
