you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
