Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
