Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
