oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
