OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
