i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
