You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
