Dual....:-)
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
