a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
