ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
