I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
