ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
