textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
