Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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