He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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