youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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